Dogs drool, bitches rule!
Embarrassing true story:
I stood proudly in uniform with my
magnificent Llewellyn Dobe sitting
calmly, but alertly beside me as the
crowd filtered out of the multi-million
dollar antique show. We were hired
to do a building search for "hiders"
and to protect the site overnight.
As my client, the manager of the show
approached with several dignitaries,
I could see he was pleased, and I
couldn't help thinking "I look
so good, Robert Redford, eat your
heart out" .... BUT ..... just
as the big shots were about to comment
on my beautiful animal, the dog threw
up on their shoes! ....... Bev McQuain
My dog can read
I was introducing my dog to a restaurant
under renovation that he was to guard.
The dog had a strange quirk in that
he would not go through a tight spot.
A door had to be wide open or he would
balk. (I guess he had been caught
by a spring door when he was younger.)
There was a section of the building
with posh furniture and carpet. Access
to the section was through an opening
in a planter wall. I didn't want the
dog to go into that section, so I
placed a "THIS SECTION CLOSED"
sign in the middle of the opening,
and said "See that?"....
The dog looked, and we walked on.
A workman shouted "Hey are you
saying that dog can read?"
I replied "Well, watch.",
and I squeezed past the sign but the
dog who had been at my side in perfect
obedience, planted four feet and wouldn't
go through, no matter how much I shouted
I moved the sign (now there was lots
of room), and the dog walked through
as though nothing was wrong.
Each time the sign was in the doorway,
the dog couldn't be forced through;
remove it and he would trot on through.
Somewhere there is a work crew that
believes my dog can read. .... Bev
Yea, I got a position with the security
division of a scrap yard!
"Idea stolen from "The Far
Six-pack of trackers - true story
We were assigned to patrol a remote
hydro line under construction through
a forest. Knowing that no one would
be out there in the dead of winter;
(deep snow, freezing cold, miles from
nowhere), I took my old patriarch dog;
... and for fun, a litter of 6, six
month old Dobe pups.
We were all alone, so no need for
leashes.The old scout would run ahead,
and when he'd spot a trail crossing
ours, his head would go down and he'd
"track the villain" until
I'd call him back to my side. Of course
behind him, bouncing, falling, disappearing
into the snow, gallumped a gangly
six-pack of pups.
One day, my dog was beside me on
leash, when the pups, running ahead,
spotted a trail of what must have
been a huge animal according to the
size of the prints ...Snowshoes! All
six took off into the bush after their
quarry. My shouts meant nothing to
them, this trail was easy to follow.
I heard a cry form the woods, and
when I got to the source, I found
my pack of "wild" Dobes
barking at the base of a tree in which
was a hydro inspector, still wearing
I assured him that they were just
He replied "They sure as Hell
don't look like pups, comin' through
the bush like that!!"
He later saw the humour of the situation,
and didn't report me so we kept the
contract. ... Bev McQuain