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Dog Jokes
 
    Dog Jokes @ Kutta.com
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Dogs drool, bitches rule!


Embarrassing true story:
I stood proudly in uniform with my magnificent Llewellyn Dobe sitting calmly, but alertly beside me as the crowd filtered out of the multi-million dollar antique show. We were hired to do a building search for "hiders" and to protect the site overnight.
As my client, the manager of the show approached with several dignitaries, I could see he was pleased, and I couldn't help thinking "I look so good, Robert Redford, eat your heart out" .... BUT ..... just as the big shots were about to comment on my beautiful animal, the dog threw up on their shoes! ....... Bev McQuain



My dog can read
I was introducing my dog to a restaurant under renovation that he was to guard. The dog had a strange quirk in that he would not go through a tight spot. A door had to be wide open or he would balk. (I guess he had been caught by a spring door when he was younger.)

There was a section of the building with posh furniture and carpet. Access to the section was through an opening in a planter wall. I didn't want the dog to go into that section, so I placed a "THIS SECTION CLOSED" sign in the middle of the opening, and said "See that?".... The dog looked, and we walked on.

A workman shouted "Hey are you saying that dog can read?"

I replied "Well, watch.", and I squeezed past the sign but the dog who had been at my side in perfect obedience, planted four feet and wouldn't go through, no matter how much I shouted and tugged.

I moved the sign (now there was lots of room), and the dog walked through as though nothing was wrong.

Each time the sign was in the doorway, the dog couldn't be forced through; remove it and he would trot on through.

Somewhere there is a work crew that believes my dog can read. .... Bev McQuain


 


Yea, I got a position with the security
division of a scrap yard!
"Idea stolen from "The Far Side"


Six-pack of trackers - true story
We were assigned to patrol a remote hydro line under construction through a forest. Knowing that no one would be out there in the dead of winter; (deep snow, freezing cold, miles from nowhere), I took my old patriarch dog; ... and for fun, a litter of 6, six month old Dobe pups.

We were all alone, so no need for leashes.The old scout would run ahead, and when he'd spot a trail crossing ours, his head would go down and he'd "track the villain" until I'd call him back to my side. Of course behind him, bouncing, falling, disappearing into the snow, gallumped a gangly six-pack of pups.

One day, my dog was beside me on leash, when the pups, running ahead, spotted a trail of what must have been a huge animal according to the size of the prints ...Snowshoes! All six took off into the bush after their quarry. My shouts meant nothing to them, this trail was easy to follow.

I heard a cry form the woods, and when I got to the source, I found my pack of "wild" Dobes barking at the base of a tree in which was a hydro inspector, still wearing one snowshoe.

I assured him that they were just pups.

He replied "They sure as Hell don't look like pups, comin' through the bush like that!!"

He later saw the humour of the situation, and didn't report me so we kept the contract. ... Bev McQuain

 
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