Dog Humor
Embarrassing true story:
I stood proudly in uniform with my magnificent Llewellyn Dobe sitting calmly, but alertly beside me as the crowd filtered out of the multi-million dollar antique show. We were hired to do a building search for “hiders” and to protect the site overnight.
As my client, the manager of the show approached with several dignitaries, I could see he was pleased, and I couldn’t help thinking “I look so good, Robert Redford, eat your heart out” …. BUT ….. just as the big shots were about to comment on my beautiful animal, the dog threw up on their shoes! ……. Bev McQuain
Yea, I got a position with the security
division of a scrap yard!
“Idea stolen from “The Far Side”
No Dogs Allowed.
A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and “tapped” his way into the establishment.
The waiter said “Hey!, you can’t bring a dog in here.”
The man indignantly claimed “I’m blind! … this is my Seeing Eye dog!”
“You’re trying to tell me” said the waiter, “that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?”
“What???!!”, cried the man, “they gave me a Chihuahua?”
No Dogs Allowed.
A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and “tapped” his way into the establishment.
The waiter said “Hey!, you can’t bring a dog in here.”
The man indignantly claimed “I’m blind! … this is my Seeing Eye dog!”
“You’re trying to tell me” said the waiter, “that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?”
“What???!!”, cried the man, “they gave me a Chihuahua?”
Cross a Great Pyrenees with a Dachshund and get a Pyra-dachs, a puzzling breed.*
Cross a Curly Coated Retriever with a Labrador Retriever for a lab-coat retriever, a favorite with research scientists.*
* as seen in Reader’s Digest
… And speaking of crosses …Ron DeMerchant, an ex-Llewellyn employee submits this true story: . While patrolling with a recently groomed Llewellyn Bouvier, I overheard two inebriated campers discussing how the security was “pretty serious” because we had dogs.
“Yeah”, one guy said, “they got Shepherds, they got Dobes and that funny looking dog too.”
“Hey!” says the other guy, “Don’t laugh. I saw them dogs on TV. They’re really vicious.”
“Oh yeah!?” says the first guy, “My Pit Bull could take him out!”
“Hey man!!” says the other “You don’t wanna mess with no Dobermann-Poodle cross, it’ll chew your Pit to pieces!!”
“REALLY!??”
“Yeah man, I saw it on TV, I tell ya!”
A well known Guide Dog Trainer, Al Mitchell, told me that:
A Blind person walking down Yonge Street in Toronto, commanded his dog to turn right to what he thought was the subway entrance. He had miscalculated, and found himself completely disoriented in a dead-end alley.
A passer-by saw his dilemma, and asked if he could help.
“Yes, thank you” said the blind man, “I was trying to get to the subway.”
The man leaned over to the dog, and said slowly and distinctly into the dog’s ear, “TAKE – HIM – TO – THE – SUBWAY!”
My dog can read
I was introducing my dog to a restaurant under renovation that he was to guard. The dog had a strange quirk in that he would not go through a tight spot. A door had to be wide open or he would balk. (I guess he had been caught by a spring door when he was younger.)
There was a section of the building with posh furniture and carpet. Access to the section was through an opening in a planter wall. I didn’t want the dog to go into that section, so I placed a “THIS SECTION CLOSED” sign in the middle of the opening, and said “See that?”…. The dog looked, and we walked on.
A workman shouted “Hey are you saying that dog can read?”
I replied “Well, watch.”, and I squeezed past the sign but the dog who had been at my side in perfect obedience, planted four feet and wouldn’t go through, no matter how much I shouted and tugged.
I moved the sign (now there was lots of room), and the dog walked through as though nothing was wrong.
Each time the sign was in the doorway, the dog couldn’t be forced through; remove it and he would trot on through.
Somewhere there is a work crew that believes my dog can read. …. Bev McQuain
This true story is rated “PG”
It takes place on the same trail, on another day, with the same gang of boistous pups.
First, let me say I am Canadian, but I really hate the cold! When I ventured out in the February weather, I put on a long underwear, over which I put on pajamas, then a pair of pants, then another loose pair of pants. On top, were a number of sweaters, a jacket, and over the whole thing, I wore a Snowmobile suit. … (I looked like a deep sea diver, but I was warm!)
Deep in the snow-packed woods, I had to answer nature’s call. I had to unzip the snowmobile suit, then the first pair of pants, then the second pair of pants. Then there was a big stretch to get past the bulk of all the clothing.
Despite the “shrinkage” due to the cold, I achieved success, BUT … before I finished, one of the exuberant pups jumped and hit me in the middle of the back. I instinctively flung my arms out to retain my balance; and ended up caught in 3 zippers!!! … (only the men who have had a similar experience will know the agony)
There I stood, freezing, unable to move, afraid to just “rip” myself free. I was sure I would be found there in the spring, still standing motionless with a grimace on my frozen face.